I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
