Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
