Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
i think i just lost a toe
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
we're so committed to being not committed
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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