yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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