I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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