Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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