You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
