Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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