Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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