my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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