fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Vodka?
Forever.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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