He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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