my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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