the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you didnt know i had herpes?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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