eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
