She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
