dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
