Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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