I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
