I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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