Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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