2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
