A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize