WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize