somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
