Even the bartender felt bad for me
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
