No stitches, just platelets and will power
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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