PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
What did we do last night that was yellow?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
