i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
