I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
