Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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