I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
