i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
