Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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