So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
