i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He did a backflip because drugs
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