Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
bring money and cleavage
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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