yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
