Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
