she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
