My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
