And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
