Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I checked into jail on foursquare
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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