btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
