i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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