can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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