turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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