You're earring is so big in my mouth
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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