Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
In America we eat man semen.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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