So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize