Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
