I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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