why didn't you poke me back
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
someone owes me an orgasm
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
