I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
