My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
