He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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