Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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