i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
im holly from the hills drunk
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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