i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
