I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
