I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
