i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
