Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
