I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
