the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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