with your own penis?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize