someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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