holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
