A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
