go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
