Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
