i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
