I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
