I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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