How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
