I puked a lego.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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