According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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