Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize