Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
