Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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