just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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