Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
