You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
did i just pee glitter
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
