If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
