Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
ok first of all what the fuck
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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