Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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