I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
