That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I had to cum in my sink.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
