Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
