I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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