I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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