I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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