white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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