ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
