nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
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