my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
