We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize