I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
