I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
